2 years, really?

I've written 1 million posts in my head during the past two years. But I finally logged in and realized that it actually has been two years since I posted here. How can that be? The pictures of Sydney and Avery look like yesterday. But instead I look at their pictures today and I see the years that have gone by. My 40th year. Just how did that happen? I'm not sure but I've decided I want to take stock. I want to take stock and enjoy what I have. I'm inspired by Hands Free Mama Rachel Stafford. Jason actually turned me on to her. She's a blogger and author. She talks about how we have to take stock, how we have to stop living our highly distracted lives and enjoy the moments we have with the most important things in our life...our people. The people we love, the people we have connections with. It's her words that resonate with me and make me know I have to find a way to do that. I'm not sure how to do that but I am going to commit to coming back here and showing up. Not sure how often, I'm not sure what I'll say, but I do feel like by writing and sharing I'm able to make myself a better person and truly take stock in what I have. So, see you soon!

Stop and smell the sunflowers...

There are just days (weeks, months) when you have to stop and smell (and admire) the beauty around you. Today (this week) is one of those. Enjoy! And stop and enjoy one thing in your crazy, busy life today!

Playing in the Rain

Sometimes you just have to remember what it's like to be a kid and find playing in the puddles not only fun but hysterical.

Repost: Take 5 and Read This

My friend just sent this to me and OMG, it is hysterical.  We have been to Chuck E. Cheese ONCE and I can relate to this entire rant.  Take 5 and read it!

RANTS FROM MOMMYLAND: I Partied with Chuck E.: A couple of weeks ago, my kids handed me an invitation they had received to a birthday party. At Chuck E. Cheese . They were ecstatic and bu...

I'm a Kindergarten Mom!

What a week!  I am now officially the mom of a kindergartner.  Wow, how time flies!  Wasn't I just bringing her home from the hospital?  But, I am so proud of her (and me) this week.  No one cried and we all have made it to Friday (granted we started school on Wednesday). 



Sydney's first day

I finally realized that this transition has been less about her moving on and more about me letting go.  Sydney has done great and really shined, she came into her own.  That speaks volumes to me about what a great kid she already is! 






Looks just like the classrooms I remember



Cute!

I think I was able to keep it together because 1) she did and 2) I was able to get my cry out last week to Jason.  And while I cried and babbled about this and that and "my baby girl," I realized it wasn't because I was worried about Sydney moving on to a new school or not doing well or not liking her teachers.  I was sad and worried about this next phase -- the school phase.  This starts the next 12 years of her life in a tough place.  A place where we all learned the lessons of life and they aren't all nice.  While I liked school and did just fine in school, it is a little bittersweet to know what she has ahead of her.  Frustration, learning, excitement, friendship, love, pain, loss.  So many lessons I am not ready for her to have.  So many lessons I want to shield her from.  I want her to stay young and innocent and happy.  To stay a child.

While I know that can't happen, this is what I think I had to mourn.  I will do everything I can to help guide her through this, to be there for her, to let her fall when she needs to, but support her in getting up and doing it again.  I know the pain that is to come and it hurts me already. 

Wow, this parenting thing is sure hard.  Jason and I always say that no one told us how hard it would be because they knew we wouldn't do it if we did know.  But, you know what, it is another lesson in life.  In letting go, in loving beyond yourself, in guiding a wonderful, fabulous human being who is part of you to be a superstar.  In reality, we love these girls so much it hurts us, which is why this new phase is so hard. 

But, like all the other things we have gotten through, we will get through this, too.  We will enjoy it, celebrate it and definitely survive it. 

Avery wanted to be just like her sister that morning with her own backpack

Cheers to all the moms out there having to let go of their "little one" this week and in the coming weeks to let their kindergartner find his/her way.  Have a glass of wine and pat yourself on the back.  You did it.  Now, only 12 more years to go:)

Leap Year, Forever Changed

This was intended to publish on Feb. 29, 2012.  While delayed, I felt it should still be shared.


Eight years ago today I witnessed a life-changing event that really no one should ever experience.  One of my best friends -- a childhood friend from as long as I can remember and bridesmaid (me in hers and her in mine) -- lost her three-day old baby to a heart defect that was not diagnosed until too late.  So, for two full days my friend and her husband celebrated the addition of their new, sweet, beautiful baby girl, Lily Dian.  And then the unspeakable happened.  She grew sick and passed away within hours while still at the hospital.  Agonizing, devastating, heart-wrenching are not even the words that describe such an experience.  How my friend and her husband kept it together mentally, stayed together in marriage and went on to have two wonderful, beautiful, sweet baby boys is not only a miracle but a testament to their strength as human beings.  I have said many times since then, no one should ever have to bury their child.  It is just one of those hugely unfair things in life that make you ponder God and his will.  I know my friend really did question her faith after that, who wouldn't.  And her parents (long-time friends of my parents, too) stayed strong in their dedication to God and church. 

Unfortunately, one of the most heart-wrenching moments was watching my friend and her husband kneel at the little while casket, bow their heads and mourn their loss.  And then for my friend to tell me that she shouldn't have had to dress her beautiful girl in the dress she bought for her baptism and bury her in it. 

How do you move on from this?  My friend has grown dramatically in eight years. There is a part of her heart that is gone.  She is a changed person, in fact, a little angry still, which I would be too.  But, she has grown in so many ways and I am so proud of her.  Everytime I talk to her, I think that she has found one more thing out about herself and she has given me some of the best advice about being a mom.  When I have a tough mom situation, I ask her and she always has amazing insight.  Most of you know I went on to have two daugthers and that was hard -- for her and me -- because all she really wanted was a little girl.  And now, they will get it.  They are applying to adopt a little girl from China and I am so happy for them. 

Nothing will ever replace Lily.  She lives in all of our hearts.  She has a room dedicated to her at Baptist Hospital called Lily's Room that we fundraised for so that others wouldn't suffer while in the NICU.  But as I sit here and cry, 8 years later, I never forget my friend's pain, her triumph and what it means to be a strong woman, mother, wife and friend.  I love her and this is dedicated to her. 

Today I am going to honor her even more by donating to Patrons of the Hearts an organization that helps children with heart defects.  You can donate too. http://www.patronsofthehearts.com/~patrons/donate.php

Raising Girls

My sweet girls

Recently, my hubby sent me this article from Forbes, "7 Ways You're Hurting Your Daughter's Future."  Since we have two daughters and Jason rarely sends me articles, I figured it was probably pretty good.  It took me awhile to get to it, but when I finally did, I was glad.

Upon reading the title, I thought "great, more guilt about how we are f*&$ing up our daughters." But, I was fairly ok with how it was presented and actually agreed with most of it.

I tend to consider myself liberal and definitely a "strong woman," who intends to raise daughters who are confident, non-sexist women who know they can do ANYTHING.  So, some of the tips were already on my mind.  But, #7 "You criticize your own body, and/or other women’s bodies" definitely hit a cord with me.  We, as moms, do have to be careful about how we act in front of our children (boys or girls), especially when it comes to our own body image and that of others around us.  The hope I found in this article -- what we model for our kids does matter, so all this effort should get us somewhere:) 

I'm going to keep this article handy, just like I keep the prayer for your daughter from Tina Fey's Bossy Pants (love it!) close by.  You always need a good laugh and a reality check! 

And for the record, my Disney Princess financial twin (#4) is Ariel, who are you?  Take the quiz here.